Moms make it better

   It was 4:45am, not a good time of the day for me. I held my petite 22-month-old in my arms trying to convince her to go back sleep.....so I could go back to sleep. It's not easy facing the morning with a not-so-full night's sleep. Especially when there will be four children with breakfast demands and issues with kindness and consideration.

   My back hurt. Viktoria is no longer an infant, and holding her close while hovering over her bed was not the most comfortable position I could imagine. In my mind I was begging, "Please stop resisting and give in my sweet little girl." I began to sing a lullaby. I held her close and pressed her cheek to mine as we rocked and sang, "Rock-a-bye Baby." She was still and calm and at the end of the song she turned her face and gave me the sweetest and most sincere kiss I have ever received from her. She reached for her bottle (a sign of surrender to night-night time) and I laid her down and went back to bed.

   As I laid in bed trying to get back to sleep, I thought to myself. "Moms make it all better." And we do because we have super powers. Super powers given to us by God Himself. We have super kisses that can make boo-boos feel better and make husbands feel loved. We have super hugs that comfort broken hearts and give courage to fearful minds. We have Super voices that can calm babies and put toddlers to sleep. We are super-moms and we didn't even know it. :-)

   There is a reason that I still want my mom when I'm hurt, lonely, sick, scared or just plain sad. It's because moms make it better. They chase away the boogie man when you're afraid of the dark. They pray with you in bed and tuck you in so you feel safe. Moms nurse you back to health when you're feeling ill. They teach you how to treat others and help you become the person God created you to be. Moms who love Jesus make the whole world better.

   Thank you for all you do to make this world a better place by raising good people to follow God's calling in the next generation. Thank you for the late nights and early mornings. The perseverance when it took all you had just to get through the day. Thank you for the little sacrifices that no one notices and the tears that no one ever saw. Thank you for the pain you endured and the patience you're still learning and the love that you show unconditionally. Thank you for the hard lessons, the fun lessons and the mistakes you made along the way. Thank you for your strength and faith as you watched your little birdies take flight and leave the nest.

   YOU mama, you make it better. You make the whole world better.

Happy Mother's Day

When you run dry

   Feeling bad when there's no reason to feel bad. That's what I do best. As if I have any real hardships in my life, as if I have anything that is not going well for me. I know what to do when I am in a storm. Look up, trust God, count my blessings, keep fighting the good fight of faith. But what do I do when the storm is in me? My head is to heavy to look up, I am trusting God but don't feel Him near, I see how blessed I am and yet have no fight left in me. What does a good Jesus follower do when they find that they have run dry?

   Or course I know the answer. Go to the well. Drink fully of the Living Water that never runs dry. Surely I see my life like David in Psalm 23:5, "...my cup overflows." But I feel so tiredly rabid. I raise the cup of thanksgiving to my lips and I am unable to swallow. I know I am surrounded by God's life-giving love but am unable to breathe it in. My imperfect lungs struggle to accept the perfection of His grace. My shallow and unworthy throat can not take in His beautiful mercy. I am not good enough to deserve it.

   "No, you are not." a voice whispers to my soul. My pride nearly breaks in two. But haven't I done so much good? Haven't I always followed His calling in life? Certainly I have done so much more than so many others. I have never strayed from the narrow and winding road, even when it got so thorny and painful. I deserve His love so much more than the people I see around me, don't I? Where is my reward for all the sacrifices I have made?

   My self-righteousness continues to give me dry mouth. I fall to the ground, unable to breathe, and I just lay there waiting to die. What's the point? If I am the same as them, then why try? "How can you love those disgusting sinners the same as me!?" I choke on the words as they force themselves up out of my dry throat.

   As I close my eyes, I hear the voice whisper again to me. But this time there are no words. Just the heaviness of a wisdom that I cannot understand. I begin to feel smaller and smaller. What am I but a bit of sand on the unending beach of history? When did I become so important that I should question God's love and mercy to those who don't notice it? When did I become so shallow that I could hate someone just because they were lost?

   I gasp for air, like a newborn baby taking his first breath. It is hard and it is humiliating. As I struggle to rise I feel hand, strong and loving, help me to my feet. I cannot look into His eyes, but I feel His loving gaze deep into my soul. "I am sorry." I whisper, but His forgiveness is already felt. "Teach me please." I beg, "Teach me how to love them. Help me put away my pride and show me how you see them." He holds me up and brings a cup to my lips. Slowly I drink in His love.

   I feel different. I feel soft, kind, generous and caring. My eyes light up as my Father speaks to my heart, "My child, you do not deserve my love. Your deeds cannot earn it, your faith cannot merit it. It is a gift I give to you, and you need only to accept it." Tears stream down my face. I need only accept it, but why have I not been? My pride was a mask for my failures, my self-righteousness was a cover for my self-loathing. I needed to let it go. I needed to let myself go.

   I am nothing special, nothing amazing, but I have access to the most amazing love ever. All I need to do is accept it and drink it in. As I take another sip I realize that my job is not to prove God's love, to force people to drink it, not to fix their lives, but only to share it. To share God's love by loving them. Lord help me to see past the failures, including mine, and to drink of and share the beautiful gift of your unending love.