Happy Birthday to me :-)

   This week I turned 28 on the 28th. This past year has been full of good things for me. My brother and sis-in-law had their first baby, my husband got a full-time job in ministry, I got a part-time job working from home, and just last month my brother and sis-in-law decided to move to our little town of Belding!

   I'm so excited about having family live so close, it's something I haven't had the privilege to experience since I got married. Speaking of getting married, in 4 more days Scot and I will be celebrating our 8 year anniversary!

   8 years, wow, I can't believe it's been that long already. Then again, it seems like I've know Scot forever. Even though marriage and child raising can be very frustrating and life draining at times, I am so thankful that God has blessed me with 3 darling children and a great man who loves God and loves me no matter how difficult I am :-)

   Here's to another 28 years of life and marriage! :-)

Crying for no reason

   Maybe I'll blame it on the sleep that has eluded me over the last couple of days, or perhaps the nasty cold that is beating me down. I could even blame 'Daylight Savings Time' for throwing me off the horse, but whatever the case may be, I find myself dazed and confused, lying here in the dirt.

   I haven't had a good cry in a while, but I certainly didn't expect it to come on the way it did today. All I did was take an aspirin, and out of nowhere I broke into weeping. I guess when you realize that you're face down in the dirt and your horse is galloping along without you, it's a good time to cry.  Or maybe it's just a good time to pick yourself up and get back on the horse.

   I suppose I should be dusting myself off and running after my horse right now, but I think I will just lay here in the dirt for a while. My horse won't get too far before he realizes I'm gone, when I regain my strength I will catch up with him.

   There's far too much on my mind to bother with, so I will say good-night. And a special message to all of you who also are face down in the dirt wondering how you got there, don't be afraid to lay there for a day or two but make sure you don't grow roots!

True Love's Valentine

   Every year here in America we set aside a special day just to celebrate love and we call it Valentine's day. I am very grateful to have a husband who loves me, who loves his children and who loves God. But this Valentine's day it was someone else who stole my heart.

   He's been my secret admirer for quite sometime. Even though he often goes unnoticed by me, his love for me has never changed. He's even seen me at my worst and yet he loves me still. I have never done anything that would validate his love for me nor have I proven myself to be worthy of his love. But still he loves me, more than even my own husband does.

   When I was a little girl he gave me a love letter so I would never forget how much he loves me, yet as Valentine's day came again, his love had become like a distant dream. As I sat in church listening to verses I had heard a hundred times, all of a sudden like a gentle breeze, his calm, sweet voice touched me in the deepest part of my soul. "I still love you," was all that he said, yet for some reason this time it came upon me like a long lost secret I was dying to remember. "He loves me?"

   His beautifully unconditional love has always there for me to receive, but instead I tried to find love and acceptance in the eyes of imperfect people. But why is his love so hard for me to accept? Why do I choose to search everywhere but in his arms? I couldn't help but tear up as I contemplated how much he loved me and why I had forgotten such an important truth.

   Perhaps somewhere long ago on the road of life I deemed myself 'unlovable' and therefore simply dismissed such an impossible concept as true love. I've certainly been difficult ever since I was born. As a baby I was very fussy and cried a lot. Fast forward to childhood and my wildly stubborn-spirit paired with my know-it-all attitude made for a killer combination. As a teenager I was emotionally up and down and I usually took it out on the people closest to me. Even as an adult I am often angry and harsh. I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that I have never been "easy to love."

   But today, on Valentine's day, someone amazing was whispering to me, 'I love you,' and for the first time in a long time I heard it. "Jesus!" I cried in my heart, "You do love me, you really do! Even though you know how rotten awful I can be, you still love me!" I finally remembered how much Jesus really loved me. I don't understand why, and I don't think I ever will, but I believe it with all my heart that he truly loves me indeed.

   "Freely you have received, freely give."

Dear Jesus, THANK YOU for the unconditional love you pour out on me every day. Help me to open my heart and receive it and teach me to love others without reservations.

Hello Chaos, my old friend

   As Scot becomes more involved in his new position as Youth Pastor, I'm unexpectedly finding myself with lots more to do. Between my part-time job on the internet, helping Scot with the youth ministry, Logan's soccer games, setting up the church website, and trying to raise three kids, I've found myself saying hello again to my good old friend, Chaos.

   I'm starting to wonder how I am going to handle my to-do list without it handling me. As I'm writing this my house is in disarray, not having found the time or motivation to clean up today. I suppose I could be cleaning up right now instead of writing this, but I feel it's time for a journal entry :-)

   The most chaotic part of it all is how each and every day of the week has it's own things going on, and I never really know what to expect each week. A consistent schedule would probably make it easier to organize my duties, but that's just not how life in the ministry goes.

   Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. I love our new life in full-time ministry. I guess I just need to vent my frustration with this week. My mind has been here and there and everywhere, and I just can't get a hold of it lately. Good thing Scot and I are going to have a 'date-night' tomorrow. Grandma Connie is taking the kids for the day, so maybe I will be able to clear my head. I'm very much looking forward to it. Well, time to go get the kids dinner.

Until next time,
Karisia

Settling in

     I remember Scot telling me not so long ago that it was his turn to be the stay-at-home mom and my turn to go find a job. I'm glad it didn't come to that even though I did apply for a job at a few places in Belding. I guess no one wants to hire a person who's only work experience for the last five years is cleaning and changing diapers :-)

     The beginning of this month I actually did get a job working on my computer from home. The great thing about it is that I get to set my own hours and work anytime of the day, so it is ideal for our family's complicated schedule. Speaking of schedules, Scot and I finally sat down and wrote up a 'work week' plan. I was starting to go crazy not knowing what to expect from Scot and what he was expecting of me.

     It feels like we are finally starting to settle into a new routine after two crazy months of total and complete chaos. I'm sure glad Scot has this new job as a Youth Pastor, I haven't seen him this focused and motivated since our missionary days in Bosnia. I couldn't be more grateful for this opportunity the Lord has provided for us.

     I can't help but think to myself, "You did it again, God! You came through even though we didn't know how you were going to do it!" But why does He always wait till I've bitten off all of my nails before He saves the day? Maybe it's His way of showing me that I shouldn't worry so much. Well, I guess it's a good thing we're going through a book about worry and fear in our ladies' Bible study group :-)

Until next time,
Karisia

New Year, New Things

     Well, we had our first youth group meeting on Wednesday. It went well! We only had three teens show up, but we had a good time. I taught a lesson about loving God with all your heart, and what that really means. The lesson went well (even though some of our teens do have some attention issues :-) and I felt the presence of God with us. I'm very excited about what He is going to do in our little church here in Belding.

     On a different note, my eldest son Logan started playing on a soccer team this month. This is his first time playing sports, and I enjoy watching him practice and be a part of the team. I'm so proud of my little guy, I can't believe he will be 6 this year!

     Anyway, it's getting late so this journal entry will be short and sweet. Please pray for the youth group and for God to work in our church and bring more people to Himself. Also please pray for my best friend's mom whose cancer has spread to her brain. Pray that God will heal her and work in the hearts of her unsaved family members.

In His Hands, Karisia

 

He made our path straight.

     I'm still in overwhelmed mode, but loving it.
I typed up a prayer letter today to send to our old supporters. It's been a while since we sent out one of those, kind of brings back a lot of memories. In it I used this picture of a bible verse that really applies to our situation. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."

     I wish I could say that the whole time we were searching and waiting on God I was trusting him with all my heart. Well, I could say that, but I would be a lair :-) On paper it sounds so good, but in real life we always want to be in control of the course our lives take. Maybe it's fear that something bad will happen, or pride in thinking we know what's best for us. I've definitely learned that a life fueled by fear or pride is an unhappy life indeed.

     I can't help but think to myself, "How many times is God going to teach me this lesson of trust?" I guess as many times as it takes :-) My mom said that sometimes we are much like the Israelites in the wilderness awaiting the promise land. It's easy to criticize them for complaining and questioning God even though He was right there with them providing for their needs in many different miraculous ways. But are we so much better?

     How many times has He provided for my needs, and come through for me when I couldn't handle things alone? During my time as a missionary there were numerous occasions when God proved Himself to be trust worthy, yet why do I still struggle to trust Him with everything? Just like the Israeli people suffering in the dessert, when the going gets tough I want to take the reigns in my own hands, as if I could do better.

     When Scot's step-dad suddenly died right after we made the decision to return to Bosnia, our faith took quite a blow. We had thought it might be God's will that we return to Bosnia and serve there for another few years, but everything changed when we got the news. That day forever altered the course of our lives, but God was working through it all.

     It became hard for Scot and I to trust God, knowing that He could let things like Doug's death happen at anytime. "What's next?" I wondered, now thinking about all the terrible things that could go wrong, and trying to figure out what to do, now that we were back in the US. I went through a long struggle of fighting to regain my faith, but the words of Job helped me put things back into perspective.

     Now Job was a man who suffered all that you could in this world. He lost his family, all his earthly possessions, and even his own body. But this is what he said: "Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.” (Job 1:21) Job was willing to give up all the rights that we think we have and completely submit to God's sovereignty. What a great example he is to us!

     It took me a while to let go of the idea that I deserve good things in life, and it is still a daily struggle, but when I did I became so free of worry and doubt. I knew that it didn't matter what happened in my life, all that matters is that my reaction brings glory to God, and through it all He will always be there to comfort me and help me get back on my feet. So I guess what I want to say to you is if you are going through a hard time, the best way to handle it is to submit to God's sovereignty, trust that He is still in control, and above all, stay connected to Him so that you will have all you need to get through it.

     Oh, and one more thing to remember is that "in all things God works for the good of those who love him..." (Romans 8:28) Because we know God loves us we can always believe that He WILL do good things for us and bring good things into our lives, even if it just means making us better people. So be optimistic, after all, Job did end up better off than when he started :-)

Overwhelmed

   It all happened so fast. Last week Scot was unemployed with no hope of any kind of job opportunity. I just didn't understand what God wanted us to do. So many times I prayed and asked why He wasn't giving us opportunities to serve Him when He knew that was our heart's desire. I started wondering if we should be doing something more. Maybe God wanted us to pursue a new direction.

   It broke my heart everyday to see Scot unhappy and unfulfilled. I didn't know how to help. Every option and possibility I suggested only frustrated him more. I told him that I thought loosing his job was a good opportunity to pursue a a more fulfilling new career, even if it meant getting more schooling. I asked him, "If you could have any job that you wanted, what would it be?" With a distant look in his eyes he simply replied, "I don't know."

   Why God? Why did you bring us here? Why to this small church in this small town? Why did you give Scot a good job only to take it away a year later? So many questions, so many feelings and so many doubts. Then all of a sudden everything changed.

   A lot of times we don't get the privilege of seeing the big picture or understanding why God let certain things happen in our lives. But this week Scot and I see the hand of God so very clearly, and sometimes it's almost more then I care bare. Tears of thankfulness flowed down my face the day we found out about this possibility of full-time ministry. Now that it's a reality, I can't help but be overwhelmed.

   All I can do is tell you that God is a God of fulfilled promises. Even when it feels like He has left you out to dry, it's only until He's got your next chapter ready for you, or you ready for it :-) So if you're confused and don't know what to do, or if you feel like God kind of forgot about you, keep trusting Him and seeking Him first because it's only a matter of time before He gives you your next assignment. Oh, and it's gonna be a good one :-)


 

A New Direction

     Full-time ministry, here we come! That's right friend, God has given us a new direction! YAY! Being in full-time ministry is what Scot and I have both wanted to do, even before we were married, and now God has given us the opportunity to be the youth directors at our local church! Thank you Jesus!!!

     We met with a successful business man today who is looking for ministries to support. We shared with him our past ministry experience and our future plans for the youth group at our church, and he has decided we are a worthy cause! We only need to raise a little more financial support to help cover all of our expenses and then we can become our church's full-time youth directors!

     So, now what? Scot and I looked at each other after everything settled down, and realized that everything just changed. We've been somewhat involved in our church's tiny youth group, but being full-time youth directors is a whole new responsibility. So what do we do first? Time to start brainstorming.

     Our existing youth group only meets once a month and we only have about 3-4 teens that consistently attend our church. We are basically going to be building our youth ministry from scratch, so we definitely have a lot of brainstorming to do :)

     I'm somewhat of a realist, or some may even label me a pessimist :) I know that the road ahead of us will be a bumpy road, complete with obstacles and discouragement. After all, we know the devil doesn't like us doing God's work. So in light of this new path that we are about to venture forth upon, I have decided to make a vow:

I, Karisia Hoskins, vow to persevere when the going gets tough,
To meet failure with optimism,
To face discouragement with resolve,
To be supportive of Scot and submissive to his leadership.
And when I feel like giving up,
I vow to remember that God called me to serve Him,
and He is pleased with my service not my success.

     Thank you all who prayed for us. Please continue to pray for us as we contact our past supports, and try to sort out all the details of our new life :-) God is good!

A not-so-typical Friday morning

     It started as a lazy Friday morning. The kids actually let us sleep in, which was delightful. Today marks the end of my first week of my first job since 2004. My sister-in-law got me a job working from home on the computer, and it's just what we needed. It's been a little over a month since Scot got the shocking news that he was being laid off. What a nice Christmas bonus.

     Since that day it's been an emotional roller coaster ride for both Scot and I, wondering what God had planned for us. We've barely been able to pay the bills with his unemployment check, but my new job will help a lot. Still, unemployment checks only come for so long, and Scot needs something to do besides clean the house and collect firewood :-)

     Like I said before, it started as a lazy Friday morning. Neither of us had anywhere to go or anything to do, and a quick glance outside confirmed my suspicion that it had snowed all night. We had breakfast and warm cup of coffee and were getting ready to play Mario Cart with the boys. I turned my cell phone on and noticed I had a voice mail. It was from our Pastor asking Scot to call him.

     "Hmmm..." I wondered, "What could this be about?" Scot called him right away. While he was talking to Pastor, I got the kids set up to play the Wii. I couldn't help but notice the serious look in Scot's eyes, now I was very curious to what was going on. After Scot hung up, he told me that someone from the church was upset that he denied their friend request on Facebook. Gasp! "Are you serious?" "No! Just kidding!" Scot said with a mischievous laugh. "But we do have to talk."

     We went to our room and I eagerly waited to hear what was going on. "Pastor wants to pay me to be a full-time Youth Pastor at our church, and a friend of his is considering helping to support us." Wow! I couldn't believe it! This is an answer to the prayer I have prayed for so many years! "God, show us what you want us to do, where you want us to serve!" It's like all the random twists and turns that have lead us here were all part of the plan, as crazy as it seems.

     Scot continued to explain that this mystery supporter wanted to meet with us tomorrow and conduct a sort of 'interview.' Now I was nervous. Will he like us? Will he think we're worthy of his support? We're just a couple of amateurs! Well, I guess it's time to pray! I'm going to ask you to pray for us too. Just for today, that this opportunity will work out for us.

Dear Lord,
Please let this work out, and thank you SO much for this opportunity! Being in full-time ministry with Scot is the life I have always dreamed of! Please, please PLEASE let this work out.

Beyond Facebook

Hi whoever you are. I've decided to stop wasting time on Facebook and start writing about who I am for real. I'm going to record my life for the whole of 2010 and share with you the joys, laughs, pain and trails God has in store for me. I'm calling it my journal because I plan on looking back, beyond my latest Facebook status, and taking a real glance at the path that has lead me to...here. Thanks for taking an interest in who I am, I hope you enjoy walking with me through this new year.