I typed up a prayer letter today to send to our old supporters. It's been a while since we sent out one of those, kind of brings back a lot of memories. In it I used this picture of a bible verse that really applies to our situation. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."
I wish I could say that the whole time we were searching and waiting on God I was trusting him with all my heart. Well, I could say that, but I would be a lair :-) On paper it sounds so good, but in real life we always want to be in control of the course our lives take. Maybe it's fear that something bad will happen, or pride in thinking we know what's best for us. I've definitely learned that a life fueled by fear or pride is an unhappy life indeed.
I can't help but think to myself, "How many times is God going to teach me this lesson of trust?" I guess as many times as it takes :-) My mom said that sometimes we are much like the Israelites in the wilderness awaiting the promise land. It's easy to criticize them for complaining and questioning God even though He was right there with them providing for their needs in many different miraculous ways. But are we so much better?
How many times has He provided for my needs, and come through for me when I couldn't handle things alone? During my time as a missionary there were numerous occasions when God proved Himself to be trust worthy, yet why do I still struggle to trust Him with everything? Just like the Israeli people suffering in the dessert, when the going gets tough I want to take the reigns in my own hands, as if I could do better.
When Scot's step-dad suddenly died right after we made the decision to return to Bosnia, our faith took quite a blow. We had thought it might be God's will that we return to Bosnia and serve there for another few years, but everything changed when we got the news. That day forever altered the course of our lives, but God was working through it all.
It became hard for Scot and I to trust God, knowing that He could let things like Doug's death happen at anytime. "What's next?" I wondered, now thinking about all the terrible things that could go wrong, and trying to figure out what to do, now that we were back in the US. I went through a long struggle of fighting to regain my faith, but the words of Job helped me put things back into perspective.
Now Job was a man who suffered all that you could in this world. He lost his family, all his earthly possessions, and even his own body. But this is what he said: "Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.” (Job 1:21) Job was willing to give up all the rights that we think we have and completely submit to God's sovereignty. What a great example he is to us!
It took me a while to let go of the idea that I deserve good things in life, and it is still a daily struggle, but when I did I became so free of worry and doubt. I knew that it didn't matter what happened in my life, all that matters is that my reaction brings glory to God, and through it all He will always be there to comfort me and help me get back on my feet. So I guess what I want to say to you is if you are going through a hard time, the best way to handle it is to submit to God's sovereignty, trust that He is still in control, and above all, stay connected to Him so that you will have all you need to get through it.
Oh, and one more thing to remember is that "in all things God works for the good of those who love him..." (Romans 8:28) Because we know God loves us we can always believe that He WILL do good things for us and bring good things into our lives, even if it just means making us better people. So be optimistic, after all, Job did end up better off than when he started :-)
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